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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216712">given a second chance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/feldmaphobe/pseuds/feldmaphobe'>feldmaphobe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gay Jared Kleinman, M/M, abf! evan, alana is aro/ace, alex boniello! connor, and zoe is pan with a lean to boys, connor and zoe have a cat, connor just wants to rail jared... SO BAD...., evan is straight, gabi carruba! zoe, jared and jeremy are cousins, kyle wakeman is a little shit, queer Connor Murphy, samantha williams! alana, she is based on alex's cat penny, so is expensive headphones, stagedorks referenced, will roland! jared, yeah connor's squip is bob ross deal with it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:43:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/feldmaphobe/pseuds/feldmaphobe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>after connor murphy's suicide attempt, he is put into a support group for other teens that have attempted suicide. he is fed up with being babied and he misses getting along with his family, which leads him to take a squip. the squip finds out about jared kleinman, connor's teeny little crush and tries his hardest to get them together, while trying to get connor on his family's good side.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this whole fic is basically dedicated to the people in the alex boniello discord that gave me the confidence to write this fic. it started out as a weird daydream and it is now a weird fic to quench my kleinphy thirst.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>NOTHING FELT weirder than the idea of the people that you thought hated you most being so－ emotionally broken thinking about losing you. <br/>not many people can relate to that feeling, but i can. </p><p>"hi, i'm connor murphy and i tried to take my life last month," </p><p>the small room that sat underneath the local church was filled with bland greeting's along the lines of "hello," and "hey connor." </p><p>"so, connor." the middleaged woman that ran the support group started, turning my direction. "how did you try to take your life if you don't mind me asking?"</p><p> </p><p>i clenched my fists and turned away from the woman, and looked off into the distance, my legs sticking straight out in front of me. </p><p>"i tried to overdose on adderall." i muttered quietly in response, looking down at my fists. my knuckles were white and my assorted metal rings were digging into my skin. </p><p>the rest of the support group meeting felt like white noise to me as i zoned out, thinking about－ nothing, really. </p><p>"and that was our first meeting!" the woman said, getting up from her chair and clapping, like a generic white woman does when a plane lands. "i hope you all are feeling more comftorble talking about your past trauma and i will see you all next thursday!" </p><p>after her whole spheal, the room emptied, getting a lot more quieter than it did before. cynthia was there to pick me up, mostly because larry thought it was a good idea to take my license away after my attempt. i opened up the door to the church and sighed, immediately making eye contact with my mother, who was sitting in her silver BMW. she waved and i quickly dashed over to her, hoping that no one saw what happened. </p><p>"connor! how was the session?" she asked once i opened the passenger side door, i grumbled a "it was okay." in response and closed the door behind me, pulling the seatbelt and strapping myself in. cynthia rolled her eyes and turned to face me, smiling widely. "these sessions will help you talk about your feelings, connor!" she exclaimed. </p><p>"yeah. you said the same thing about the anti-depressants and the therapy." i shot back, crossing my arms. "seriously, connor!" she cheerfully said back. i hugged myself tighter and turned my head away from her, praying that the conversation would just end. </p><p>i pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it, most of my notifications being from a stupid groupchat alana beck added<br/>me to. she's probably the only person i can closely consider as a friend. maybe not a friend. no one would want to actually be friends with me. </p><p>alana beck: does anyone have the answers to the honor's french homework? <br/>jared kleinman: i don't take french. </p><p>my heart stops once i see jared's message. when did alana add jared to the groupchat? </p><p>jared isn't a crush. he's more of an asshole who you kinda get off to sometimes because he's annoying. i focused back on the messages and typed my response: </p><p>me: yeah, i think i have the homework. i'll check when i get home. </p><p>alana: thank you connor!<br/>read by: jared kleinman.<br/>i turn off my phone and admire my surroundings. it's nothing too nice, just the road ahead of us and trees. i can hear cynthia humming to herself, which is kinda better than the quiet. not. </p><p>i feel my heart drop when we finally make it to the familiar cul-de-sac that i spent most of my life in. i'm eighteen though. not that long of a life if you ask me. </p><p>"we haven't gone this way in a while," mom said quietly, turning over to me for a second. "you used to love the fall, you and zoe would jump in the piles. your father would always be upset because, well... he raked those piles." i nodded in return, muttering a "yeah." </p><p>"you ready, connor?" zoe murphy, who was nine at the time asked, turning to me, who was ten. i chuckled and nodded, grabbing her bandaged covered hand for support. zoe always liked to try new things, but was so clumsy that she'd end up hurting herself. "three, two, one!" we called out, running and jumping into the reddish-yellow leaves. </p><p>we laughed as we watched all the leaves move around and fly up, until larry murphy, our father, was seen in our field of vision. "what are you two doing? i just raked those!" he exclaimed, crossing his arms. </p><p>zoe fell silent, tears threatening to escape her dark brown eyes. i stood up and looked at my father, my fear obvious to him. "we were just having fun! we were gonna clean em' up after!" i shot back, frowning. larry rolled his eyes and pulled zoe up. she brushed the leaves off her light jacket and jeans, turning over to me with a smile. </p><p>"you two go inside, your mother is making you both some tea and cookies." he said. this was before we had to worry they were vegan or keto－ or whatever weird dieting fad she wanted to try this time. zoe cheered out a happy "cookies!" and ran inside, i followed behind her. </p><p>i missed the old times, i really did. was i going to admit it though? no. </p><p>before we even knew it, we were back at our house, a nice victorian style house that was redone in the 90's. larry's car wasn't there, which meant he was still at work or on a trial. </p><p>cynthia parked the car and opened the drivers side door. i did the same thing, digging in my pockets for the house key after i closed the door. she pulled her key out and showed it to me, smiling. </p><p>"i got it, con." she said, a kind tone in her voice. she locked the car, a loud beep leaving it and walked to the front door. i followed behind her. she unlocked the door and stepped in, i walked in after her. "shut the door when you get inside, please," i nodded and hummed out a "okay," and closed the door. </p><p>"i'm gonna go make us something to eat okay?" she asked, taking off her beanie and coat, hanging it on the rack nearby. "yeah, sure. i have homework to do so i'll be upstairs." i muttered, walking upstairs. my boots loudly hit the steps as i made it to the door all the way down the hall. it had a black metal sign with one of those warning labels that said 'warning you are entering _______'s room.' my name was filled in with a silver sharpie, it was messy but it gave people a warning. </p><p>i opened the door and closed it behind me, unzippering my jacket and throwing it sloppily into the closet. my math work laid spread out on my desk. i untied my tight boots and sat them down by my bed, relieved i was finally home. </p><p>i sat down in my chair, pulling it closer to my desk. i had my phone on, just in case i had to use the calculator for a problem. </p><p>out of nowhere, my phone buzzed. it was a notification that someone had messaged me on instagram. i don't have many followers, so it must've been one of those weird sex bot's </p><p>kyle.wakeman:<br/>connor, i know you don't associate with me anymore but this is important.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm not good at making long chapters &lt;3 but here's connor with a squip.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I LOOKED at the message with a confused frown on my face. what the fuck is my former drug dealer doing texting me? i decided to respond anyways, just to see what he was going to say. </p><p>c0nn0rmurphy: why are you texting me, i don't associate with you anymore. </p><p>i saw the little bubbles immediately pop up on the screen, then dissapear, then reappear. </p><p>kyle.wakeman: i got something you might like. </p><p>c0nn0rmurphy: what the fuck, dude. i'm trying to quit. my mom sent me to a suicidal teen druggie meet today. </p><p>kyle.wakeman: dude... you remember the story about the kid who took the pill so he can tap that theatre kid?  and then he like- almost destroyed the world? </p><p>c0nn0rmurphy: yeah, that was a year or so ago, why. </p><p>kyle.wakeman: my cousin has a few left and gave em to me so i wanted to know of you wanted one. they're like- stupid rare. </p><p>c0nn0rmurphy: so... you're asking me if i want a drug that almost took over the world? WHY? </p><p>kyle.wakeman: because you'll impress your parents and shit. is that not what you told me you wanted when we used to get high? </p><p>i scoffed and felt my cheeks redden. did i actually talk about that when we got high? he wasn't wrong though. there was nothing i wanted more than to be able to get along with zoe and my parents again. and maybe... just maybe i'll be able to make more friends. </p><p>kyle.wakeman: soooo.....<br/>kyle.wakeman: what do you say? </p><p>c0nn0rmurphy: fine. but if this doesn't work out you'll get rid of it, right? </p><p>kyle.wakeman: fine, whatever.<br/>kyle.wakeman: meet me in the alley behind the supermarket. the one with the fresh made cookies.<br/>i left him on read and turned off my phone, getting up from my desk and grabbing my boots, putting them on and lacing them tightly. i was only gonna be gone for an hour, cynthia wasn't gonna notice i was gone. </p><p>i grabbed a hoodie that was hung onto my chair and put it on, zipping it up. i shoved my phone into my pocket and opened my window, climbing out and grabbing onto a tree branch close by, carefully crawling down. </p><p>i would be lying if i told you i wasn't excited to try the－ weird tech pill or whatever it was called. zoe would let me go to her concerts, larry wouldn't accuse me for being high 24/7, and cynthia would stop babying me. </p><p>before i knew it, i reached the weird alley behind the supermarket. and guess who was there, kyle wakeman. he stood there, his hands in his hood pockets, and his ripped jeans tucked into his scuffed shoes. he walked over to me, his dirty orange hair (which was obviously dyed) shining in the now setting sun. his freckles stood out on his skin. </p><p>"so, do you got the thing?" i asked, my voice brought down to a whisper. "if by thing you mean the squip, than yes." he replied, a smirk. oh, they were called squips. what a weird name. </p><p>kyle nodded and pulled out a tiny piece of paper towel and unwrapped it, pulling out a grey pill. "you take this and then you activate it with mountain dew." he said, motioning to the already bought bottle, sitting on the wall. "but first; finders fee. $35 bucks." </p><p>i rolled my eyes and pulled out my wallet, fishing two $20 bills and handing them to him. "keep the change." i hissed, biting my lip. "you're lucky i like you, or you'd be paying $500." kyle replied with a cocky grin. </p><p>he handed me the pill in the paper towel and motioned to the green soft drink. i carefully placed the pill on my tounge and grabbed the mountain dew, taking a sip. </p><p>"sooo... do you feel any different?" kyle asked, quirking an eyebrow. i shook my head and sighed, my negative thoughts being cut off with a loud yelp. "ow! what the FUCK?" i exclaimed, clutching at my head. </p><p>calibration in process. please excuse some mild discomfort. a voice said, their voice sounded.... warm and comforting. </p><p>"MILD? what do you mean, MILD?" i yelled, falling down onto my knees. kyle looked down at me, a worried look on his face. </p><p>calibration complete. access procedure initiated. the voice continued, another figure forming in my vision. </p><p>accessing: neural memory. accessing: muscle memory. access procedure: <br/>complete. connor murphy… a man formed in my vision, he had an afro and a comfy outfit on. a button down and khaki pants. </p><p>welcome to your super quantum unit intel processor.... Your SQUIP. the voice said, walking over to me. </p><p>"holy shit, are you bob ross?" i asked, getting up and brushing my pants off. kyle looked at me and chuckled, waving to me and mouthing a 'have fun' before walking off. </p><p>yes, i'm bob ross. i took form of the person you look up to the most in your life and took form of them. i also reccomend you talk inside your head. so well－ people don't think you're crazy. </p><p>jesus fucking christ, this is gonna be rough. heard that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>we do not accept larry murphy slander in this household thank u very much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>WALKING AROUND  knowing that there's a voice in your head that hears all of your thoughts is kinda offputting. </p><p>yeah, no really. you agreed to take the SQUIP, connor. you signed up for this. he said, forming infront of me again. i sighed in response and continued walking, ignoring bob ross. </p><p>you can't ignore me forever, connor. you took me to get closer with your family and that boy－ jared kleinman. </p><p>i stopped dead in my tracks and clenched my fists. 'how do you know about jared?' i said, watching my knuckles turn white. </p><p>when you took me, i analyzed your memories and your past thoughts. it turns out that when it is late at night and your hormones are－ </p><p>'okay, shut up. that's enough' i blurted out, stopping him dead in his tracks. 'i don't want to hear anymore. yes, i know what i do when it comes to thinking about jared.' </p><p>you want to be cool and impress that boy. i know you do, connor murphy. your heart rate increased when i brought him up. the man said, crossing his arms with a smug look. your bloodflow also increased. </p><p>i felt my face heat up once he mentioned the second part, which led me to shove my hands in my hoodie pockets and pulling it down. i tried to walk faster, for many reasons. being caught leaving by my mother being the biggest one. </p><p>i finally made it home and snuck to the back of my house, where my room and window were. i looked up the tree, trying to think of a way to get upstairs and make no noise. </p><p>grab that big branch right there and pull yourself onto it. i nodded, grabbing onto the big branch closest to me and pulling myself onto it. then grab that one, be careful though. </p><p>i pried my window open once i got close enough to it and tumbled inside, falling on the floor. your father is home with your sister. he picked her up from her band rehearsal. he got out of work early as well. </p><p>"fuck." i grumbled, getting up from the floor. i brushed my pants and took my boots and hoodie off. i kicked my boots to the side and closed my window, holding my hoodie in my free hand. i rested it on my chair and sighed, running my hands through my hair. </p><p>go downstairs and eat. drink something too. you don't look okay. bob said, a worried tone in his voice. 'fine, whatever.' i replied, opening my door and walking downstairs. </p><p>"connor," cynthia started. "where have you been?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>shit goes down, the murphys fight, connor has a soft moment with his cat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CONNOR LOOKED at cynthia anxiously, spinning the silver ring on his index finger. "so, where were you? i know you weren't in your room. i was worried si-" </p><p>"he's probably going out to smoke pot again, he never learned!" zoe exclaimed, hanging her coat on the coat rack next to her. larry walked inside the house, closing the door behind him. </p><p>"what's going on? connor, what did you do?" larry asked, furrowing his eyebrows at him. connor looked down at his feet, letting his hair cover his face. </p><p>"he's going out to smoke pot." cynthia said quietly, looking over at larry. larry rolled his eyes in response, walking over to connor. </p><p>tell them you went back to school because you forgot your sweatshirt. the voice said, a calm tone in his voice. </p><p>larry looked at connor, his eyebrows lowered into an angry look. "is what your mother said true?" he asked, straightening his tie. </p><p>"i went back to school." connor replied quietly, still looking down at his feet. "i forgot my sweatshirt." </p><p>"i didn't see you at the school when i was there. you're lying!" zoe exclaimed, pointing at connor. </p><p>"he's fucking smoking again! i can't believe him! he's never going to learn, cynthia." larry said, turning to face her. cynthia didn't respond, instead, she looked at connor with a small frown. connor clenched his fists, his body shaking slightly. </p><p>calm down. the squip said, frowning. your blood pressure is increasing. </p><p>'shut up. go away or whatever.' connor shot back. 'you're already no help.' </p><p>connor lifted his head and looked at zoe, shooting a loud but quick "fuck you." before turning around and running upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him. </p><p>his cat, a small grey tabby, jumped in shock as connor slammed the door. "hey," he whispered, his voice hoarse from yelling. "i'm sorry for scaring you, pen. i didn't mean to." he muttered, walking over to the cat and sitting on the bed next to her, slowly stroking her soft fur. </p><p>you really messed up, kid. the squip said, forming in front of him. your parents are worried about you. </p><p>"THEY'RE worried?" connor whispered to him, still petting the cat. "i have a fucking voice in my head that sounds like bob ross that's giving me shitty advice!" </p><p>your mom is on her way upstairs to talk to you. be calm. bob said, dissappearing after. </p><p>cynthia knocked on the door, opening it when connor let out a dry "come in," </p><p>"hey, con. i'm sorry about your father. he had a bad day." she said, sitting down next to him and the cat. "you weren't smoking pot, were you?" </p><p>connor shook his head, still looking at (and petting) the cat. "i'm trying to be better." he muttered, tears threatening to slip out of his eyes. </p><p>"i believe you, connor. i think you're trying so hard. i'm so proud of you." cynthia said, smiling. she wrapped her arm around connor's shoulders, resting her head on her arm. </p><p>"you should finish your homework. larry is ordering vegan pizza for dinner, y'know, your favorite?" she said, a wide grin on her face. connor stiffled a chuckle and smiled back at her. "yeah yeah, i know." </p><p>"ok, so you're gonna do your homework, right?" connor nodded in response, smiling. cynthia got up and patted her lap, fixing her shirt. "ok, see you down stairs soon, connor. bye, penny." she cooed at the cat, smiling softly. </p><p>she walked towards the door and opened it, waving and smiling before walking out, closing the door softly behind her. </p><p>get up. i'm gonna help you with your homework. the faster you get it done, the more impressed larry and zoe will be when they see the good grade you get on it tomorrow. he said. </p><p>connor got up out of his bed and walked over to his desk, grabbing his homework and sitting down.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i literally feel so bad for not updating in such a long time but here we go! this is dedicated to the will roland discord, who, for some reason really like to support my writing. love you all &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm not gonna be good at updating but i hope you guys enjoy this. my tumblr is feldmaphobe and my instagram is emmawasheere so follow me there!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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